My day in court

So my day started off with my dental consultation. It was practically useless. The dentist ended up reconmmending me to a specialist by my house because my teeth are, for a lack of a better word, fucked up. So I have an appointment next saturday at 10:30. Good news is that they didn’t charge me for the consultation today. 

After the dentist I went home hung out with Monty and ate these salmon balls (they’re like meatballs but salmon) that my mom got at costco i think. I watched some netflix because i hacked my ps3 so it can get the U.S. version which is like 10 times better. I’m currently watching this reality/documentary show on David Chang (the founder of Momofoku). It’s pretty cool and it made me wanna try cooking ramen.

So court was pretty brutal. The whole process took like 1.5 hours because there’s so much waiting. There were 20 otther people who were pleading guilty to their charges and when they called my name I had to walk up in front of the microphone I had to state my name. Then the judge read out my charges and aske how I was pleaing. I said “guilty”. I felt like such a criminal. Then I had to wait another 20 minutes in line to pay for my ticket. This was not what I had in my mind for a day off!

It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow…

I miss you 😦

Driving through the treacherous snow

So today I left my house at 7 which is my normal time. And I usually end up at work around 8. I walk out my door and I’m unpleasantly surprised by a shit load of snow on the ground. It took me 45 minutes jsut to drive up Brittannia to get to the 401.

My boss called me during the drive to tell me he was running late too. But he said once I get there I had to go to some workshop they set up. So the total time was 2.5 hours to work this morning….

I caught the last 20 minutes of the workshop. It was about “the power of commitment”. I don’t know why they called it that because they paired us up with and made us talk on the spot to each other while the other person listens. I guess they were trying to help us communicate better. I don’t think anyone took it seriously…

Work was okay overall. I just have to wrap up some assignments before Christmas and the new year. 

I went to the gym tonight and holy shit…I got so much weaker. I’m hoping i have muscle memory and I’ll be back to my regular form in a week or two. 

I’ve got court tomorrow and dental appointment. What a fun way to spend my day off!!

 

Nerves on edge

So I woke up and snoozed! Then I woke up and quickly got ready and then i had to time my bus stop since it doesn’t give me a time on the schedule… I ended up leaving at 9:12 and the bus was right there!! Ahhh! I had to cross multiple intersection crossings to catch it lol. I even waved him down and he was already on his way but he stopped. Then I got to my second stop in no time and right across the intersection was my second bus! So I ran to my second stop! Then it was smooth sailing from there. I am at work now. Almost 40 minutes early! I wanted to go buy my sisters sweater to kill time but I have no where to put it… I don’t wanna put it in the office or anything. I also don’t think I have the proper shoes for work here. They do like indoor and outdoor shoes here and I don’t really wanna switch my shoes here like that.

Anyway I am done at 7! Yay! But I will get home around 8pm. Then tomorrow I work 12-8:30 then Thursday I have to bus to my school to pick up my winter bus pass. And prob do my chores like laundry or clean or something. Friday I have off as well. But then I work the entire weekend! Here I will just tell you my schedule

Today 10:30-7
Wednesday 12-8:30
Saturday 10:30-7 (Costco closes at 7 for holidays!)
Sunday 10-6:30 (Costco closes at 6 for holidays!)
Tuesday 10-5:30
Friday 4-9
Saturday 1-6

Me so sleepy. I made some earl grey berry tea the one I bought from Costco awhile ago.

But ya I hope u have a good day. I can’t wait for this day to be over blahhh

Lots of tears but lots of compromises and understanding

I wasn’t proud of who I was this past weekend. I said a lot of things. I felt a lot of things. My emotions took over any rational thought of mine. And then we broke up. And I felt so numb.

But we stayed up until 2am last night talking. Not online, not through text or email. But talked face to face.. Which seems like the first time. And it’s only in the dark that I felt safe to talk. So he couldn’t see my face. I get really nervous. And scared when I speak. I hide behind my text messages but with my actual voice … I don’t think I would ever SAY-SAY those things to Andre. When Andre lets me talk… Without interrupting… It makes me feel heard. Like what I say is actually being heard. That felt a lot better.

I want to change and be better. I want to make sure Andre stays with me. I don’t want to push him away and I hope I never behave that way again. I just want the strength to do so.

I was so tired at work today and was sad knowing Andre was at home alone with Monty. He picked me up and dropped me off at home before starting his 2 hour drive back to Mississauga at night. When I opened my door, I dropped everything and found a post-it note that said have a good week and look under your tree. I thought that was very sweet and heartwarming he put it under my tree after what I said… And I drank his tea immediately and tried his pen right away. Although I think I might use my fingers. 10 styluses!

I also gave Andre the second part of his gift which was a poster of the taxonomy of rap names…Which cost 4 times how much I bought his pulp fiction poster. I don’t think he liked it tho. But a costco member came in with it this past summer and I thought it was something Andre would like. I asked the member where he got it and I’ve kept the website in my mind forever. This christmas I thought I would give it to him. But I don’t think he liked it. I wish I got him the electric pad instead.

I know andre is sweet and very caring. But sometimes I want Andre to be more thoughtful. I told him this about my parents. I really hope he can accept my family as his one day.. Oh I gave my brother the ripleys aquarium tickets as a thank you for driving me. This was when I thought you and I would never get the chance to go together. I also want more consistent dates… Nothing expensive like a fancy dinner. But maybe a planned movie. I really liked watching 24/7 about the leafs over fast food. Believe it or not, I felt like it was the old days and it was a date. One of those dates when we both had costco incomes and no worries the next day. I know I can’t have it all the time but if there’s a chance I want us to take advantage of it.

I know this is my holiday… But I can’t help but feel like I can’t wait for these holidays to be over. I’m already tired of working. I can’t seem to catch a break. I know I just spent a week at home but I did write a paper a majority of it before handing it on Friday and being miserable on the weekend… I really wish we spent the weekend together in happiness… Bcus we aren’t gonna have a weekend like that in a long long time… Once costco is over, school starts. I have classes Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays now.

I am falling asleep… I hope tomorrow will be a better day than today. And it only keeps getting better.

Good night

Nobody said it’d be easy

The weekend didn’t start off on the best of notes. I think it was alot of pent up negative neergy thatt finally finally blew up in our faces. It was such an empty feeling knowing that we were broken up. Even if it was just for a day. I thought it was necessary that I made the trip to London to try to iron out our relationship. There’s just to o much at stake to just throw everything away over things we can fix. We had a good talk and laid everything out on the table. I know she’s trying to find happiniess within herself. And sometimes I think, who am i to tell someone that they’ll figure out. Maybe I don’t realize my self how hard it is. 

I felt much more reassured about our relationship and I’m hoping we can always keep the lines of communication open when it comes to how we feel and if we have a problem with each other. 

The next day I dropped Annie off at work. It kinda sucked spending the whole day without her but I tried my best t amke due. I took Monty to the dog park for 30 minutes before he got tired/ I tried to buy some snowboot but there just wern’t any that I liked at Winners. So i just picked up a stylus pen for Annie. Then I went to Metro cause i wanted to cook dinner for us. I stopped by the Timmies there and got the pack of tea taht she liked. I wish I had done that sooner becasue I know she’s been asking for them. 

II picked up  a card and put all the stuff under her tree cause I know she says that there’s nothing under it and it made me really sad when  she said it. I jhate seeing her cry. Parrt of me doesn;t know what to do with someone who is in such a vulnerble state. I’m scared that i will make it worse. 

I’m glad we settled everything and I’m going to miss her all week while she works. I  wish I could drive her.